this post is adapted from an entry I wrote for the on-hiatus website From Diapers to Deadlines, which Toni and I collaborated on a while back. The site is down for now, but we had a ton of great content in the archives, and I thought some of my readers who are interested in freelancing might enjoy reading it…so I’ll be re-posting selected entries. If you have a burning question about writing or balancing freelance or at-home work and motherhood, drop me a line–I’ll respond here, or maybe dig up an old post that covered the issue in-depth.

Now, on to the post…

How many times have you done one of the following?

Put off getting childcare you desperately need to work because you can’t justify the cost. No, you’ll just find a way to write that 2,000-word article (or whatever your freelance job requires you to produce) after everyone’s gone to bed, when your eyelids are hovering at half-mast

Found yourself interrupting your work to tend to requests for snacks or break up a squabble–when your spouse is also in the house, watching TV or reading the newspaper

Apologized to your spouse for asking him or her to watch the kids while you make a deadline

I’d like to tell you something I learned the hard way: nobody is going to take your work seriously until you take it seriously yourself. Not your husband or wife or partner, not your kids, not your mother, and certainly not the editor or client you’re trying to impress.

It can be really difficult to do this, whether we’re just starting out or have been established for years. When we aren’t widely published or making a lot of money freelancing, it’s hard to justify the time we spend working on it. Sometimes, even when we are well-established, it can feel like we’re letting somebody down if we’re taking time away from family needs to work–even when we’re squeezing writing into the hours nobody else wants from us (usually sometime after midnight). Hiring child care or household help can seem like a luxury we neither need nor deserve. Asking the spouse to help out in the off-hours just seems unfair. After all, doesn’t he (or she) deserve a break, too?

But here’s the thing–if you’re serious about having a freelance career, it’s illogical to try to cram work in after every other commitment in your life. It simply won’t fit. There has to be an investment made in your role as a freelancer, whether it’s financial, or time, or even emotional–the mindset that you deserve to have it and that it’s valuable not just to you but the whole family. Think of it this way: if you were working outside of the home, it’s not as though you’d look at childcare, or a work wardrobe, or a business-related trip as an expense you couldn’t justify. And I’ve never heard of a single mother expecting her husband to tote a toddler to the office with him.

I’m not arguing that every writer or web designer or (fill in the blank) needs or has to have child care when they’re just getting started. I didn’t for a while, for a variety of reasons. Often, money is so tight that the budget simply won’t allow for child care expenses, no matter how badly you want a sitter. In those cases, you have to improvise for a while. Some people make a commitment to keeping their children at home while they work, and I respect and admire that (and have been that person until quite recently). But if they’re going to gain momentum–without completely losing their minds and burning out after a few months–there’s still going to have to be compromises made in some other area. It’s not about child care, specifically–what you really need is a mindset that your work gets priority–not necessarily before family or kids, but just…somewhere in the top ten. If it’s shoved to the bottom of the list somewhere after vacuuming the drapes, it’s not going to get very far. If that means you have to get somebody else to vacuum the drapes, so be it. If you don’t want to use a sitter, then your partner or spouse might have to take over for you in the evenings and on weekends so you can work. Don’t apologize for it. Your career is not unimportant, and it’s not selfish. Even if you aren’t making money yet, the time you’re putting in now is building a solid foundation for income later. That’s what owning your own small business–and really, being a freelancer is running a small business–is all about. You put in a lot of hours at the beginning for a payoff down the road.

It’s not always easy to convince the people in our lives that what we’re doing is important and valuable and that there will be a return on investment later. That’s why you have to convince yourself first. If you aren’t certain that you deserve or need the family to invest in your career, fake it until you make it. Don’t apologize for your work. Don’t grovel or beg for scraps of time. Figure out what you absolutely need and arrange to make it happen. Expect some resistance, but don’t give in. Just re-state what you need over and over until it sinks in.

Take yourself seriously. Start right now. What is one thing you can do to invest in yourself and your work? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

Every now and then I get non-fan mail, whether it’s from somebody who disagrees with my opinion, dislikes my writing style, or just seems to despise me in general. Usually I just shrug and move on, but today I got a nasty-gram with a big glaring assumption in it that made my eyes roll back so far in my head I nearly saw my own brains. Here’s the e-mail, in a reaction to my latest column about snow days, which was meant to be humorous but apparently didn’t come across that way to all readers.

“Ben” of the Lansing, MI area says (emphasis mine, just to point out glaring sexist assumption):

Meagan,

I just read your article in the LSJ about how snow days are stressful for you. I would like to make a suggestion. Perhaps it would be more beneficial for the readers to read about ways to keep kids entertained and satiated rather than whining about how stressful it is to keep them occupied. What really gets me is when you mentioned that you were going to request that your spouse stay home with the kids on the next snow day. Your spouse… who works full time so that you can stay home with the kids. Come on. Get with the program. We (the readers) need to have intelligent, productive materials in our media. Not a play-by-play of unruly children.

Um. Not quite. I couldn’t help but respond:

Hi Ben,

Actually, I am a work at home mom, and juggle my family responsibilities while also earning the other half of our family’s income. Like any other parent, my life is a balance of fun and stress, and I try to reflect that reality in my column, which varies widely in topic from week to week. I can appreciate if the column isn’t your cup of tea, but must correct your assumption about my work life. If you have never yet, please try taking four kids to your place of work sometime and see how you feel by the end of the day. My guess is you might do a bit of whining yourself.

Of course, it really doesn’t matter whether I’m an at-home mom, a working outside the home mom, or a mix of the two: the fact is, parenting is stressful, and straying from the usual routine (like on a snow day) can add another layer of stress. But I love how he just had to stand up for my tortured, overworked husband there. I’m such an ingrate! I think I’ll forward his e-mail to my husband just so he knows somebody’s on his side, poor guy.

Ben, and all the Bens of the world, I’m going to use your own words: Come on, man. Get with the program.

For a project I’m working on, I’m trying to get some information from parents about what they read and what parenting experts they like (and don’t like). The survey is 20 questions, mostly multiple-choice, and anonymous. I’d love it if you head over and take it now!

My site was recently featured in an article about writers’ portfolios by Susan Johnston. The article also features several other writers and their impressive online portfolios, so if you’re a writer and wondering how to set up your website, definitely check out the article for inspiration! Of course, credit for my site’s design goes to Kerflop.

It’s coming to the end of a busy and food-filled Thanksgiving day, so I thought I’d reflect on a few things I’m thankful for right now:

My new niece, Ruby Elizabeth. And not just because her middle name is the same as mine. She was born on Monday, the second for my brother and sister-in-law, who is also an old and great friend of mine (I had her first, John! heh heh…) and I got to share the last few days of the pregnancy with them, which was also a lot of fun in that frustrating, boring, hurry-up-and-wait-for-baby-to-show-up kind of way. Anyway, ain’t she sweet?

Words. I’ve read a ton this month, maybe because the changing weather has made me want to curl up in bed with a book much of the time. And maybe also because I’ve finally become really acquainted with my new library here in Chicago. It took us a while to warm up to each other, the new library and I. For one thing, the books are sorted using the Library of Congress classification system rather than the Dewey Decimal System, which really screws with my head. But anyway, I’ve made a few trips, and have read an eclectic bunch of books from Jane Austen to Joan Didion to Jack Kerouac–okay, I’m still working on the Kerouac; is it somehow sinful to admit that I’m having a hard time getting into it?–to Anne Lamott. I finally read Operating Instructions, which I’ve been meaning to read since I became a parent–so that would be over ten years worth of meaning to read a book. It did not disappoint–was probably the most unique “momoir” I’ve read (next to Mommies Who Drink by Brett Paesel, which I have read cover to cover three times and still laugh hysterically through much of it.) And though I did not exactly stick to the blogging-every-day thing and will probably not finish a novel this month, I have been blogging more, and I’ve written over 15,000 words of fiction. This November has not held much in the way of deadlines, but when it comes to words, I’ve consumed and produced quite a lot of them.

Food, family, fun. Today, I’ve had a healthy helping of all three, and I’ve got that cozy, sleepy feeling…so I’m off to bed. Good night, and Happy Thanksgiving.

The latest issues of Natural Health and Pregnancy & Newborn magazines both contain articles by yours truly.

I have an article on where and how to make mom friends in the November issue of Pregnancy & Newborn…

And a feature on having a happy (and balanced) holiday in this month’s Natural Health:

Got the issues at home? Read the articles and tell me what you think!

Now that I’m no longer posting at my old blog (I should probably take it down but people still link to it and I don’t want to lose anyone forever!) I get all kinds of crazy spam comments on the posts. Some of them are comically poetic in a way:

“Perfect site! Anything superfluous, all is laconic and beautiful. Thanks”

I’m so glad that my site is laconic, and anything superfluous. Though I suspect the writer meant “NOTHING superfluous”, but it’s the sentiment that counts, not his/her skills with the English language.

But I think this is my favorite yet:

“I glad too see this interest site, I tell my friends about it! They like sites like that: site
Cool website! Best regards and nice day!
I like it and the background and colors make it easy to read.
Hello my little friends
Beautiful site”

That says it all, don’t you think?

NaNoBloMo? NaNoPoBlo?

OH. NaBloPoMo. That’s it.

I had great intentions of doing NaNoWriMo this year. After all, I have no big assignments on the horizon and had decided to spend November relaxing and hanging with the kids, instead of working hard all the time like I did in September and October. I always want to, but can never seem to find time to, write fiction. So why not devote November to writing a book?

I signed up for an account, came up with a silly, but fun idea that I couldn’t wait to get started on, and launched into the writing on November 1 with the best of intentions. But by 1054 words I was feeling way less than enthused about my idea, the kids were whining and crying for my attention, I was frazzled, and it was starting to feel like just one more obligation. And hadn’t I already decided that November was going to be about relaxing…NOT about obligations?

So, with only a slight twinge of guilt, I quit. Just like that. Walked away. Chose not to pursue that particular opportunity any more. You know, I find that deadlines and incentives and external motivators are often great ways to get writers to produce, and I’m all about that. But I’m not in the mood for deadlines, incentives, or external motivators at the moment.

NaBloPoMo, on the other hand? I can totally get on board with blogging every day this month, particularly since I’ve got these gorgeous new digs and am excited to show them off as much as possible.

So be prepared to be hearing from me…a lot over the next twenty-seven days. Though I still give myself permission to opt out if I no longer feel like participating. This year, November is just that kind of month for me.

Okay, so first of all, my website now officially rocks. Thank you a million times over to Jessica at Kerflop, who turned it from something clunky and non-functional into a work of attractive, integrated, bloggity art. I’ll be toying around with sidebars and content over the next few days, and I’ll probably break it at least once or twice, so do bear with me.

In other news, I posted about older kids and trick-or-treating at the Chicago Moms Blog yesterday, and it’s been nominated as a Hot Post over at GNMParents. If you’re so inclined, read the post, then go vote!

Please excuse my temporary absence. We are traveling this week (a “working” vacation since I’m researching a couple of travel stories) and I assumed I’d have time to update from the road…but apparently I momentarily forgot what it’s like to travel with four children when I made that assumption, because I have barely had time to breathe or sleep, let alone write. I have eaten enough, thankfully, since checking out local restaurants is part of my research.A common complaint among serious travel writers is the misconception that travel writing is all glitz and glamour, free meals and swag and cushy hotel rooms. In reality, travel writing is far from a free ride. Many writers refuse any comps, paying out of pocket or hoping to land assignments from publications that pay expenses (but those are far from the majority, and the pay for a typical travel article isn’t often enough to even cover accommodations much less make it a profitable venture). In order to defray costs, many travel writers go on press trips (sometimes referred to as familiarization tours or “fam tours”). Sure, those trips tend to be free to the writer, but it’s not quite the same as getting a “free vacation”. It’s not even as easy as the free vacation you get for agreeing to listen to a timeshare salesperson’s spiel. In that case, the timeshare pitch only guarantees you an hour or two of discomfort while you either a) feign interest in timeshare property b) actually develop interest and briefly consider purchasing the timeshare until you realize there’s no way you can actually afford a timeshare and then have to awkwardly weasel your way out of the deal, or c) don’t even bother to feign interest (I’m not including a “D”—actually can afford timeshare, want to buy timeshare and have been waiting for just such an opportunity—because I’ve honestly never heard report this to be the case) But at some point, the timeshare salesperson sends you on your way with your tickets or coupons or hotel confirmation code; free to finish your vacation in peace. I’ve never been on one of these press trips, but my understanding is that on many of these trips, you’re basically herded from place to place by a PR person, sitting on a bus or van with a bunch of other writers and photographers. Not only is there no downtime, but there’s barely enough time to take in each destination. 

It doesn’t sound like my cup of tea—I’m more of a “meander until you find something that interests you, then stay as long as you’d like” kind of person, so I’ve generally avoided those kinds of trips. Plus, since I usually do a travel-oriented story about once every six months or so, I end up away from home way too often to leave my kids behind (not to mention I’ve had a nursling for many of the last few years). Since I doubt the other writers involved would appreciate me hauling four children along, that option is pretty much out for me. And for the most part, I’m happy to piece together my own little trips, bringing the family along. After all, my family is the center of my life–what better way to write from an authentic mother’s perspective than to haul the kids along everywhere I go and let them be the ultimate guinea pigs?

But sometimes I do think about those organized press trips and wonder if, even with the highly-regimented schedule and all those other people around, it might not be easier than a family vacation. Like a writer on a fam tour, I’m loaded into a van with five other people, but instead of a perky PR rep giving me a cheery hard sell of the region’s many delights, I’ve got my husband, muttering crankily over my (sadly lacking) navigation skills. I don’t have to cram into a vehicle with a bunch of strangers, which is probably good since it sometimes takes me a while to warm up in new groups…however, I’m guessing other writers on press trips don’t a) throw things at your head from the backseat, b) emit ear-piercing, shrill screams at random moments or c) demand McDonald’s every time we pass a billboard sporting the golden arches. They probably also don’t demand that the driver play the same Jack Johnson CD over and over and over again until the tunes are permanently etched on the rest of the passenger’s brains, playing in their heads until their thoughts resemble a Curious George soundtrack.  And while you can’t plan something out too rigidly when there are kids involved, you can’t exactly meander, either, or you’d never leave the hotel room. And kids seem to thrive on having some idea of what’s coming next when traveling has thrown their entire routine completely out of whack. Waking up in a different bed every morning has freaked my three-year-old son, William, out so badly that he spends the first half-hour of the morning repeating the same questions to me over and over: “Where are we going today?” “Will we be staying in a hotel tonight?” “What hotel?” “How far away is it?” What time will we eat breakfast?” “What time will we eat dinner?” “How many hours away is that?” “How many minutes?” 

Never mind that the child seems to have no concept of a minute or an hour and can’t actually tell time.  I’d love to write more about our specific travels tonight, but I’ve got to get a bunch of wired, over-tired, and out-of-whack kids to bed. And myself? Between all the sightseeing, walking, and around-the-pool chasing, I’m exhausted. So I’ll try to check in again tomorrow, but if I don’t, please excuse me…I’m probably buried under a stack of media kits, diapers, and dirty socks…somewhere in northern Minnesota.