It seems like I’ve had a lot of requests from readers lately about freelancing: getting started, blending a career with kids, taking it to the next level, etc. So I thought I’d point you to a resource that you might find helpful:

From Diapers to Deadlines

Fellow freelancing mom Toni Klym McLellan and I blogged about blending parenting with writing for over a year, and though the blog is currently on hiatus, there is a lot of great information in the archives to sift through. If you’re just getting started, click on the “basics” category to the right and you’ll find information about writing query letters, getting clips and getting off the ground.

Also, we’re considering teaching an e-course on freelancing for the writing parent. We’ll cover the topics that we discussed on From Diapers to Deadlines: getting clips, writing good query letters, working with editors, dealing with child care (or working without it), getting your family to respect your work time, using your parenting experiences as a jumping-off point for your work, looking professional, and much more. If you think you might be interested, shoot me an email and I’ll keep you posted as we get closer to offering the class.

I always love seeing how mom writers with different specialties or focuses manage their time and navigate their careers. So I was thrilled to meet Julie Roads via the information superhighway. As a copywriter, Julie’s writing audience is slightly different from mine, but we both deal with a lot of the same issues: how to market our work, how to please our clients, and how to balance it all with our family lives. I’m especially impressed by Julie because of her notable client list and obvious passion for her work. And Julie has a fantastic blog where she provides helpful insider advice on marketing a business, blogging, and how to get your message across, advice you can use whether you’re an entreprenuer or a writer trying to figure out where you fit in the blogosphere. Here, Julie answers some questions about her work, her approach, her life, and how she balances it all. (You can find my answers to the same questions over on her blog.)

1. Who are you?
I am Julie Roads. A writer, mother of 2 kids (Sophie and Jack) and 2 dogs (Baloula and Silas), wife (to Patti), yogini, lover of butter, Vineyarder, beach walker. (Hey, this is starting to feel like my Facebook page.)

2. What do you do?
I am officially a freelance commercial copywriter. I own my own writing and marketing business called Writing Roads. I’m obsessed with blogging and writing blogs for clients as a way to propel their businesses/work/companies/selves into the webosphere.

3. What kind of writing do you do?
Marketing writing. Which means I write the content for websites, blogs, brochures, ads, sell sheets, speeches, sales letters and on and on. But I spend 80% of my time writing websites and blogs.

4. What kind of writing do you wish you could spend all of your time doing?
I suppose that I’m supposed to say ‘a novel’…but the thing is that I really love what I do. I love talking to clients and really listening to them, who they are and what their business is, doing my research and then creating something for them. I know that I have at least 3 novels in me and they will come out - and I’ve also written 4 children’s books - but, the thing is…marketing writing suits me, and it brings instant joy. Novels are so…long. Blogs in particular are the ultimate platform/landscape for my brain. I love the length and the style and the timeliness.

5. How do you manage your business and your family and yourself?
Who told you that I did? Just kidding. But this is the hardest part of my life. I could work 16 hours a day and never feel ‘done’…or burnt out for that matter. Still, my heart breaks when I’m not with my family. I started my company as an answer to the question, “How can I stay home with my kids and not go broke?” And, I literally mothered them and worked whenever I could. It turned out that I was ‘working’ 24 hours a day - and that wasn’t working for my family. As the kids got a bit older, I was able to carve out time that was dedicated to work…and now I’m up to 8 hours a day (and post-bedtime if I have to).

Bottomline is that you just have to find time for everyone or your family will be so mad at you that you won’t have them anymore! Sometimes I think that I’m the one that gets the shaft because when I have a free moment, I work - but I love what I do so much that it feeds me like going to spa would feed someone else. Okay, I just read that back and I”m a little worried about myself.

How do we really do it? Nuts and bolts? We have a calendar and play with it on a regular basis and we stick to it as much as humanly possible. This is when you work, this is when I workout, this is when we eat, this is when we play….

6. Do you ever get writer’s block?
No.

7. What do you do when this happens?
I’ll tell you why it doesn’t happen. Writer’s block happens when you push against something and get a ton of resistance - like when you say, ‘I’m going to write this right now, no matter what.’ And, I don’t do that. When I sit down to work on a project and nothing flows (15 minutes tops), I just shrug and move on to something else, then I come back to the project later. I know that the words and creativity will flow when they’re ready - and they do. Granted I never start a project an hour before it’s due to safeguard this practice - though I love writing on a tight deadline.

The other thing I do is use the internet. If I have to write a page about the benefits of sharp steak knives (which has actually never happened), I start reading other sites on or around the same topic. I usually find something terribly written and misinformed which makes me all uppity and full of thoughts like, “well, I can do better than thaaaat”…and then, I do.

8. What did having a website do for your business inititally?
Initially, my site was crap. I made it myself from a cheapo template. And it did very little for me. Okay, it did nothing for me.
Then I paid some money (I know, but it’s necessary!) and built a fantastic site that I was proud of that actually had a portfolio of my work…and my business just skyrocketed. There is no other way to describe the credibility that my site gave me. People had some idea of who and what they were getting…and they wanted it!

11. What is the purpose of your blog?
The purpose of my blog is to converse with the wide world of internet users. I use it to inform people about writing, marketing, etc. I use it to show people who I am as a writer and a person. And, I use it to learn. Every post that I write teaches me something about my topic and/or about blogging. My blog is a traffic driver and a tool for searchability. In the last 6 months, my blog has brought my Alexa rank up (or down? Let’s just say closer to #1) over 7 million points. I’ve also met some incredible people via my blog and guest blogging.

12. What have you gotten from your blog that you didn’t intend to get - good and bad?
Good - an education. You don’t know until you do. My work on my own blog directly influences my capacity and ability to blog for others. I learn everyday.
Bad - an addiction. I’m certifiable. I have to post everday. Have to.

13. Is your blog the primary vehicle for selling your work?
Ummmmm….no. The primary vehicle for selling my work is word of mouth and referrals. But the blog is critical to lending me credibility and building me a serious web and search presence.

14. What advice would you give to someone thinking about maybe, possibly, sort of starting a blog and/or a website for their business?
What in the world are you waiting for! Do it now! And, call or email me…Helping people start blogs, build writing strategies and create custom blogs (with my design partners) are all things I love to do - currently one of my favorite parts of my job.

15. Do you run your blog all by yourself (widgets, design, plugins) or does someone help you with that sort of thing?
I do it all by myself, and it’s pretty basic…but I’m looking ahead and I would love to have someone do this for me and make my blog super-fancy and functional. It’ll happen…things always do.

Thanks for “virtually” stopping by, Julie! If you have any questions for either Julie or I on anything from balancing a writing career with kids to the nuts and bolts of professional consumer writing or copywriting, feel free to e-mail them to one of us (you can reach me at meaganfrancis at yahoo dot com) or leave them in the comments box. We’ll be joining up to answer them in a future post.

A few months ago, I received an invitation from a PR person to take my family on a trip to a popular Midwestern family destination. I wasn’t sure how the PR firm had found me; they mentioned liking my blog, but I assumed that they had also seen that I have written about midwestern travel and lifestyle for magazines like Midwest Living, Michigan BLUE and AAA Living and the e-mail was worded similarly to other press trips I’ve been invited on.

When we got to the destination, I picked up my meal vouchers and press pass, and that’s where I saw it: below my name, on the line that would usually read “Freelance Travel Writer” or list the name of the publication I was writing for, it said “MOMMY BLOGGER.”

I cringed, then felt indignant. Mommy blogger? That’s what I am? Not a published writer, not a blogger who happens to cover motherhood in addition to other topics. Just…mommy blogger. For one thing, I don’t even LIKE the word “mommy”…it’s always felt kind of smarmy and whiny to me, and it’s more of an affectionate title used by young children than a descriptive term. Used in conjunction with “blogger”–and written on the line that would usually indicate my credentials–it felt almost like an insult.

I know that Mommy Blogger seems to be the title of choice for many moms who blog. At BlogHer, after all, there was an entire track of MommyBlogging panels; and a lot of women use the title proudly or at least readily. And maybe some use it ironically, sort of like re-claiming the word “bitch” or “queer”…a way to take a title that somebody might try to use to diminish us as a whole, and instead find power in it.

I can understand that, I guess, but I still don’t like it, because no matter how proudly we may use the title, the fact is that, at least to me, MommyBlogger still sounds kind of silly and trivial. While I know not everyone shares my distaste for the word “mommy”–and I definitely don’t stand in judgment of people who like that word–I don’t appreciate how it’s applied across the board to mothers who blog. And as much as I’d like to think they are, I don’t imagine that the non-bloggers people using and hearing the term are doing it as some kind of pro-mom-blogger political statement.

The sound of the title aside, I feel like my writing and blogging stands on its own without having to be linked with my maternal status–yes, I am a mother even when I write, but I come to the page as a complex individual, not just a “mommy”. Also, I spend my whole life being a mom; writing is something I do for myself, even when I am writing about my kids; and even though I don’t completely remove my “mom hat” when I write–I just kinda slide it over and make room for the “writer” hat–I write as a writer, not a mommy.

And what about those of us who blog, and are mothers, but don’t write solely about our kids, primarily about our kids, or at all about our kids? Would you call Guy Kawasaki, who also has four children, a “DaddyBlogger” if he mentioned his kids from time to time? Does the term “daddyblogger” regularly get used to describe men who, just like we mothers, write about their kids in addition to their lives and their jobs and their interests?

I’m not generally one to get my knickers in a knot over terminology. Though I can see why it might bother some, I really don’t care if somebody calls me “hon” or “girl”. But “mommyblogger” gets me fired up, maybe partly because it just seems to be used so unquestioningly. I wonder why we accept this term so readily and why there doesn’t seem to be more debate over it (maybe there already was and I missed it?)

I have yet to refer to myself as a “mommyblogger”, but more and more, other people are referring to me as one. I know it’s done with positive intent, but the fact is, I just don’t like it. I’m a mother who blogs. I’m a writer with children. I write about my husband sometimes, but you don’t call me a “Wifeblogger”, do you? The title of “mommy” is only appropriate in the context of my relationship with my kids. In other words, my sons can call me Mommy. The rest of the world, on the other hand? I’d rather they didn’t.

Over the past several years I’ve experienced a lot of blog angst. Some history: I started my first blog in late 2000 or early 2001. Back then, I had no blog angst. Not that many people were reading or writing blogs yet, so I didn’t feel overly competitive or vulnerable through posting. I posted under my first name only and didn’t tell people IRL about my blog. My posts were funny, often raw, and very personal.

Somewhere along the line, I also started writing professionally, contributing to magazines and also writing a weekly parenting column for a couple of newspapers. In an attempt to streamline my online time, I decided to do away with the anonyblog and attach my blog to my website, writing under my full name. Since I was directing editors and those who read my parenting columns and magazine stories to my site, my readership went up. And as a result, I found myself really backing away from highly personal posts laced with cuss words and biting observations.

What I found is that–FOR ME–the sort of thing I’m comfortable saying to ten of my closest friends is not necessarily the kind of thing I’d be OK with shouting in a room full of people who know me by name only. I’m an extrovert, but a reserved one. I was also a little worried that overly in-your-face posts might turn off editors, whom I need to impress–or at least, not completely disgust–in order to make a living. Besides that, I’ve never been someone who goes out looking for controversy: in fact, I don’t much like it unless I feel very passionately about a topic. And when I do want to make a strong statement, I spend a lot of time mulling it over so I can make a logical argument rather than jumping while the issue is hot and filling in any holes in my argument later.

None of the above traits–mulling over an issue forever before posting about it, avoiding controversy, and trying to keep from offending editors (or, for that matter, my family and friends)–is likely to make me a superstar blogger. And while I can deal with not being a superstar, comparing myself to lots of talented, funny, in-your-face bloggers sometimes makes me wonder if I’m not being “authentic” enough. Should I talk more about my failings as a parent or my kids’ annoying habits? Do I paint too rosy a picture of my life, or worse, am I too shallow, not digging deeply enough into my fears and issues and laying them all out there for the world to see? Am I perpetuating myths about motherhood by not being “radical”? Or am I just plain…boring?

Whether my somewhat conservative approach to blogging is wussy or wise, I haven’t been able to decide. But I’m beginning to think it doesn’t much matter. For better or worse, I am who I am–if I know and trust you, I’ll tell you everything there is to know about me; but I’m much more reticent to spill my guts publicly. I love a good debate, but am wary about wading in unless I feel like I know enough about the topic and have enough time to present a solid argument. I’m a polisher; scrubbing and shaping posts for a long time to make sure they say exactly what I want them to say. When I decide there’s something controversial or highly personal that I want to share with a larger audience, I put a lot of time and thought into how I want to present that thought–and then, yes, I sometimes stress out over how it’ll be received. I could punch things up and get way more raw and controversial all the time, but I’d be stressed out all the time. Moreover, it just wouldn’t be me.

It’s easy to come away from a gathering of popular and talented bloggers and think that maybe you aren’t doing it “right”. But the thing is, there is room for all of us out here–the controversial blogs and the quieter blogs, edgy voices and gentler voices, those who write frankly about the rougher side of parenthood and those who decorate posts with jaw-dropping photos of angelic kids or their latest gorgeous handicraft. It helps us remember that everyone’s life is a balance of the polite and the raw, the public and the private, success and failure, and joy and hair-pulling frustration. The “mommy porn” blogs inspire me, and the “raw reality” blogs remind me that nobody’s life is in soft focus all the time.

As for me, I’m somewhere in the middle, and that’s okay too.

I’ve got a few new articles out…

First, my Good Housekeeping article on getting kids to play outside is now on the website.

Second, I wrote about kids with life-threatening allergies (and the hostile responses parents and schools sometimes get when they try to accomodate them) for my column in the Greenville Link:

Third, this month’s issue of Pregnancy magazine features an article of mine about “pregnancy obsession” and how you can protect yourself from information overload. The article also features quotes from Devra Renner of Parentopia.

Hopefully I will have something more interesting to share soon! This weather, it’s making me happy but numbing my brain.

Out too late last night, up too early this morning, and a total of about four hours in the car did me in. The Writing meets Motherhood event at the Read Between the Lynes bookstore in Woodstock was very fun: (edited to add: for a great description of the store and a reminder of why we should support these institutions in our communities, check out Jennifer’s blog.)

(left to right…me, Jennifer Margulis, Toni Klym McLellan, picture courtesy of Lonna)

Topics covered: Motherhood (of course), helping dads bond with babies, the publisher/author relationship, how to write about your kids without saying too much…and why writing about your kids isn’t, in and of itself, exploitative; traveling with kids, writing about traveling with kids. And much more.

And now to bed, so that I can be somewhat functional tomorrow. Hope everyone else had a busy, productive, and sunny weekend!

This Sunday, two fantastic fellow writers (Jennifer Margulis and Toni Klym McLellan) and I will be talking about motherhood and writing (and signing books to boot) at Read Between the Lynes bookstore in beautiful downtown Woodstock, IL. Check out their website for more details. I hope to see you there!

You just never know what will push some people’s buttons. In my rather innocuous (I thought anyway) column about potty-training, a reader called me not just lazy, but a lazy SOW (scroll to the bottom of the column to read the rant against my lazy…sow-i-ness). I have to say, that is the first time I have been compared to livestock. At least, in the context of one of my columns.

Writers, have you ever gotten a really nasty comment from a reader (or maybe editor?) in response to something you’ve published or submitted? If so, how did you respond?

It can be really hard not to lash back, but I’ve found when a complaint is as nonsensical and ranty as this one is, it makes more sense to simply consider the source and move on. And there’s a bright side…Toni has promised to have a T-shirt printed that says “LAZY SOW” on it, just for me.

this post is adapted from an entry I wrote for the on-hiatus website From Diapers to Deadlines, which Toni and I collaborated on a while back. The site is down for now, but we had a ton of great content in the archives, and I thought some of my readers who are interested in freelancing might enjoy reading it…so I’ll be re-posting selected entries. If you have a burning question about writing or balancing freelance or at-home work and motherhood, drop me a line–I’ll respond here, or maybe dig up an old post that covered the issue in-depth.

Now, on to the post…

How many times have you done one of the following?

Put off getting childcare you desperately need to work because you can’t justify the cost. No, you’ll just find a way to write that 2,000-word article (or whatever your freelance job requires you to produce) after everyone’s gone to bed, when your eyelids are hovering at half-mast

Found yourself interrupting your work to tend to requests for snacks or break up a squabble–when your spouse is also in the house, watching TV or reading the newspaper

Apologized to your spouse for asking him or her to watch the kids while you make a deadline

I’d like to tell you something I learned the hard way: nobody is going to take your work seriously until you take it seriously yourself. Not your husband or wife or partner, not your kids, not your mother, and certainly not the editor or client you’re trying to impress.

It can be really difficult to do this, whether we’re just starting out or have been established for years. When we aren’t widely published or making a lot of money freelancing, it’s hard to justify the time we spend working on it. Sometimes, even when we are well-established, it can feel like we’re letting somebody down if we’re taking time away from family needs to work–even when we’re squeezing writing into the hours nobody else wants from us (usually sometime after midnight). Hiring child care or household help can seem like a luxury we neither need nor deserve. Asking the spouse to help out in the off-hours just seems unfair. After all, doesn’t he (or she) deserve a break, too?

But here’s the thing–if you’re serious about having a freelance career, it’s illogical to try to cram work in after every other commitment in your life. It simply won’t fit. There has to be an investment made in your role as a freelancer, whether it’s financial, or time, or even emotional–the mindset that you deserve to have it and that it’s valuable not just to you but the whole family. Think of it this way: if you were working outside of the home, it’s not as though you’d look at childcare, or a work wardrobe, or a business-related trip as an expense you couldn’t justify. And I’ve never heard of a single mother expecting her husband to tote a toddler to the office with him.

I’m not arguing that every writer or web designer or (fill in the blank) needs or has to have child care when they’re just getting started. I didn’t for a while, for a variety of reasons. Often, money is so tight that the budget simply won’t allow for child care expenses, no matter how badly you want a sitter. In those cases, you have to improvise for a while. Some people make a commitment to keeping their children at home while they work, and I respect and admire that (and have been that person until quite recently). But if they’re going to gain momentum–without completely losing their minds and burning out after a few months–there’s still going to have to be compromises made in some other area. It’s not about child care, specifically–what you really need is a mindset that your work gets priority–not necessarily before family or kids, but just…somewhere in the top ten. If it’s shoved to the bottom of the list somewhere after vacuuming the drapes, it’s not going to get very far. If that means you have to get somebody else to vacuum the drapes, so be it. If you don’t want to use a sitter, then your partner or spouse might have to take over for you in the evenings and on weekends so you can work. Don’t apologize for it. Your career is not unimportant, and it’s not selfish. Even if you aren’t making money yet, the time you’re putting in now is building a solid foundation for income later. That’s what owning your own small business–and really, being a freelancer is running a small business–is all about. You put in a lot of hours at the beginning for a payoff down the road.

It’s not always easy to convince the people in our lives that what we’re doing is important and valuable and that there will be a return on investment later. That’s why you have to convince yourself first. If you aren’t certain that you deserve or need the family to invest in your career, fake it until you make it. Don’t apologize for your work. Don’t grovel or beg for scraps of time. Figure out what you absolutely need and arrange to make it happen. Expect some resistance, but don’t give in. Just re-state what you need over and over until it sinks in.

Take yourself seriously. Start right now. What is one thing you can do to invest in yourself and your work? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.