How to make four chilly boys happy:

How to make their mother happy: Go read my latest Chicago Moms Blog post, “Can You Afford Not To Shop Local?”

When I’m talking to expectant moms, often they share that they feel overwhelmed by all the information out there. What products they need to have, which products are better than others, which are safest. How they should feed and diaper and clothe and put their babies down for a nap, and all the factual and anecdotal arguments for one method or another. And, of course, since they’re all facing the ultimate unknown–labor and birth as first-time moms–just how, where, and with whom they should give birth to their babies. And expecting moms, especially first-time moms, can easily get very wrapped up in those decisions…not only because they worry about what their choices will mean for their child, but also what their choices will say about them as mothers. Sometimes, that last part is what really confuses us.

When our babies are little we only have a relatively small handful of choices to make about their care: what will they eat? Where will they sleep? What will we put on their butts? What “stuff” will we buy them? It’s easy to find ourselves putting more stock in the answers to those questions than we might need to. Of course, it’s important to be informed, but often, the choice that comes to us first–the one that feels rightest in our guts–is really the right one. Doing too much follow-up research can just cause us to second-guess our instincts and lead us away from what our intuition tells us is the right choice for us. It also leads to us spending way too much money to buy way too much unnecessary stuff, because once you’ve figured out the eating, sleeping, and butt-covering part (more or less), what other choices are there to be made beyond “what to buy?”

Let’s face it–there’s no way, in today’s information-overloaded world, that we can do everything right–or at least, whatever today’s version of “right” is. Most of us are already aware of the really important messages: you know, like “put your baby in a car seat when you drive him somewhere”, and “don’t dangle your baby out a third-story window a la Michael Jackson”. With most of the rest of it, there’s enough gray area that some research is necessary to make an informed decision. But at some point, we all have to be able to feel good about a decision and move on.

After all, as I’m sure I’ll be finding out soon enough, feeding, diapering and sleeping decisions are a cakewalk compared with teaching kids about sex, drugs, and alcohol. Pregnancy and new motherhood is the perfect opportunity to practice making decisions with confidence and then moving on.

How do you deal with the onslaught of data and opinions that come with parenting in the Information Age?

“Scwatch my back, mama.”

My two-almost-three-year old, Owen, has developed a taste for having his back scratched lately, and several–okay, at least a dozen–times a day he comes to me for a good fingernail rub. It’s hard to resist a curly-headed little boy with his shirt pulled up, so I usually give him a good scratch and then try to go on with my day.

Except that Owen is insatiable. I go in for a smooch and he covers me with kisses. I give him a hug and he clings to my neck for a half-hour. Give him a quick scratch and try to move on with your day? Well, next thing you know I have a teary-eyed little boy looking piteously up at me, saying “Pwease, mom? More?” And I’m a total sucker for cute, teary-eyed boys who can’t pronounce their “L’s” yet…so I scratch away.

But I still have a household to run, deadlines to meet and other kids to care for. So, as many moms do when they’ve got a lot on their plates, I’ve started multi-tasking my way through back scratches. I’ll scratch his back with one hand while talking on the phone, surfing the web, helping a big sibling with homework or flipping through a magazine with the other. Once I even rinsed dishes in the sink with one hand while scratching his back with the other, as he stood on a chair next to me. (The kid is resourceful.)

Tonight was like many other nights. Owen came into my room for a pre-bedtime snuggle, and after a while, started asking for his regular back scratch. I obliged, but my thoughts were on other things: a blog post I wanted to read, the e-mail I needed to check. So while he lay on his tummy next to me, I scratched away with one hand and surfed the ‘net with the other. Of course, it was annoying. Because I was facing forward, the arm I was using to scratch him was contorted and uncomfortable. And you can’t surf nearly as fast with one hand as with two.

So I made a split-second choice to focus my energy. Turning toward Owen, I put both hands on his back and began to scratch: big, swirling scratches, light, raking scratches. He sighed and sank into the pillow. From the side of his face, I watched his eyelashes flutter down toward his cheeks. I noticed the smoothness of his babyish skin, the curls on the back of his neck. After a few minutes, he was fast asleep, and I’d lulled myself into a kind of trance.

I don’t know if it felt better for Owen to have two hands on his back rather than just the one. But it felt better for me. Turning my full attention to something that I’d been lately regarding as just another routine drag on my time and energy, I got to enjoy the simple, but profound pleasure of physical contact with a little person I love (not to mention the meditative feeling I got from scratch-scratch-scratching away and watching him drift off to sleep).

Am I writing off multi-tasking forever? Nope. With four children, a household to run and a busy career there are plenty of times that I simply must do more than one thing at the same time. And hey…I’m pretty good at it. But the two-handed back scratch served as a gentle reminder that every now and then, it’s important to lay down a few of the balls I’m juggling, turn my attention to one task, and approach it with intention and focus. Not because I’m a martyr or feel like you have to sacrifice every moment of free time for your kids. I’m not, and I don’t. And not just because focusing is better for my children, though I think you could certainly argue that it is. Turning the multi-task switch to “off” every now and then is better for me. When I make a point of tuning into one task or need at a time when possible, I feel calmer, more satisfied, and more connected to the people in my family and the rythyms of my household.

Which, of course, will make the next time I need to juggle eight things at once just a little bit more bearable.