She's all girl. Whatever THAT means.Ever since Clara was born, people have been asking me whether parenting a baby girl is different than parenting a baby boy. And I’ve always answered very honestly that, except for the clothes, I haven’t noticed much of a difference.
Sure, Clara’s about the most easy-going baby I’ve ever had the pleasure of snuggling, but that isn’t necessarily a girl thing, I figured. And other than that, how would it be different? She does what babies do: eats, sleeps, dirties her diapers.
But lately I’ve noticed some differences. I couldn’t put my finger on it at first but I realized it has to do with the way Clara relates to her toys. Now, it’s important to point out that when it comes to toys, Clara’s had much more of a traditionally “male” experience: that is to say, we haven’t bought her any of her own toys yet and she’s playing with hand-me-downs. What she plays with is the sort of thing her brothers would have played with at her age, because it actually is exactly what they played with!
But she plays differently. Whereas my boys preferred balls, blocks, bright colors and anything with wheels, Clara seems to prefer soft, cuddly toys and especially anything with a face. She doesn’t just chew and shake and squeeze and slap her stuffed animals, she snuggles them…and talks to them. If I hand her a stuffed animal or doll, she starts babbling with excitement and pulls it into a great big bear hug. Right before she slobbers on it. (and THEN comes the slapping and shaking).
Could be a personality thing, I again thought. But then the other day I stumbled across this article. Among the parts that jumped out at me:
It’s been observed for a while that, visually, baby girls prefer faces, whereas boys prefer moving objects, such as mobiles, even as very young infants. “[A baby girl] prefers the faces that lean down and stare lovingly into her eyes,” says Goldberg. “Little girls hold eye contact longer than the average boy. Stare back and give her expression. Girls tend not to respond to flat expressionless gazes.”
Since Clara was born I’ve been purposely staying away from any articles that smack of “how girls and boys are different” because I didn’t want to influence the way I’d interpret her behavior. Of course, I’ve probably read all these things in the past and they’re floating around in my subconscious somewhere. But my husband (who I can promise you has not read 1/1000th the number of articles and studies I have on child development and parenting) even observed recently how much Clara stares at his face, as though studying his expressions. She moves her mouth along with him as he talks. It’s clear she’s very, very interested what he’s saying and is trying mimic it herself–something I don’t remember any of the boys doing at this age (6 months).
On the other hand, maybe we’re talking to her differently because she’s a girl. Or maybe we’re handing her the stuffed animals a little more frequently than the balls and trucks. Maybe we don’t even notice that we’re acting differently because it’s so ingrained in us.
So what say you? Those of you with boys and girls (or with experience caring for boys and girls) did you notice differences in their behavior from this young an age? Do you chalk it up to natural differences in the genders? Or do you think different-gendered babies and children act differently because we expect and encourage them to?
EDITED to share this funny anecdote. I was at the playground with Owen and William today, and there were two little girls there about their ages.
William and Owen played such games as “flush ourselves down the toilet” (tube slide) and “climb the mountain before the ghoul gets us.”
The little girls had little stuffed bears which talked to each other the entire time. Their play? Was an hour-long conversation.
In light of this conversation, the contrast made me smile.
