Over on Twitter some moms are discussing potty-training, and it reminded me of a column I wrote a while ago on potty-training for the lazy. If you’re willing to wait, it really works! Here’s the (slightly updated) column:
As of today, one of my children is still in diapers. He’s got underwear, sure. And sometimes he even removes his own diaper to use the potty. But he spends most of his time with a protective layer of fiber filling around his parts.
By now you might be doing the mental arithmetic and thinking “Wait a second, isn’t her youngest over three years old?” Yep. I realize some may consider a three-year-old to be way too old for diapers. But while I know that plenty of little boys start potty training at closer to two—and sometimes before that—I’ve chosen the route of least resistance with all three of my kids. That is, the “wait until they want it more than I do” method of potty-training.
Now, I could try to sell you on the idea that I was putting off the potty only to save my children’s fragile self-esteem, which could be damaged by trying to coerce them into using the toilet before they were ready. And it’s true, I think, that forcing the issue on a child who’s just not ready for it yet can cause stress and anxiety.
But mostly, I’m just lazy. The truth is, I’d way rather change diapers than clean up puddles. Think the laundry gets overwhelming with four kids? Now imagine that plus all the extra underwear, pants, socks, sheets, mattress pads, and blankets that need to be washed during the “Oops!” and “Oops again!” phase of potty-training.
I know, I’ve got a baby on the way. And should Owen still be in diapers at that point, (though I hope he won’t), I know it’ll take a few extra minutes to do two diapers rather than one. But with two kids in diapers I can approach it as something like an assembly line: line ‘em up, lay ‘em down, wipe, wipe, diaper, diaper, and send them both on their merry and incontinent ways.
Let’s face it, even a completely potty trained child doesn’t necessarily create less work for moms. Boys—fully-grown ones included—aren’t exactly known for good toileting hygiene. I can’t count the number of times I scrub the floor around and behind the toilet every week, muttering “did they even TRY to hit the bowl?” under my breath. And as for washing little boy underwear—well, you never know what you might find. It’s usually best to handle the dirty laundry with gloves on, if you catch my drift.
And even when kids are good and ready for using the toilet, it’s an incredible amount of work for the parent. I—
Oh, wait. Owen needs help getting his pants off.
Okay, I’m back. Where was I? Oh yes, I—
Oh, wait. He needs help getting them back up.
See what I mean? That’s how my days will go as soon as we formally enter potty-learning-land, from the moment I’m shaken awake by an urgent three-year-old whispering “Mom, I gotta go potty!” to the last dry-pants check before I drop into bed asleep. Whether it’s help with pants off/pants on, getting positioned on the seat, wiping, flushing, or just plain old moral support, I’ll be there for every tinkle and…well, all the rest of it too.
And that’s not even including the near-misses. Though, I will say that hearing your husband yell “Whose POOP is this?” when finding an unwelcome surprise on the floor just outside the bathroom is pretty funny.
Apparently my relaxed approach to potty-training has rubbed off on the kids a little too much.
But mostly, it’s working out just fine. The average time to get my older three sons from all-diapers, all the time to almost-no-accidents has been about four days, as opposed to the weeks and weeks it often seems to take younger kids. So for me, waiting until after three years old was worth it, even if we did get a few raised eyebrows from people who thought three was “too old” to still be in diapers.
And barring serious regression on Owen’s part (or, God forbid, one of my older three), there’s just one more kid in the household with potty-training in her future. And I hear girls are easier to potty-train than boys and do it earlier to boot. So look out, diapers: your days are numbered.
What’s your potty-training philosophy?
I kept nudging Flicka when I was pg with Pojke and it just backfired spectacularly. LOL It took months for her to do her “solid business” and make it dry through the night.
So, I’m joining your 3+ Club for Pojke!
Oh man, Number Two is a whole separate issue. One of my kids (won’t say which) was using the bathroom to pee for a good 6 months before he’d poop in there. It just freaked him out.
I am trying this lazy approach as well but I don’t like his denial of a dirty diaper? Like I will smell it and say “who pooped?” Since I have two - the 3 yr old and his 22 month old sis, he will say “Emme”. Now she has caught on and blames him. I think I am just getting tired of changing diapers. I mean I have been doing it for almost 8 years straight. Never got a break in between because they are all about 20-30 months apart. I want it to be over. And I want him to want it to be over. But I know it won’t be a year process with him (so I hope!)
i definitely support the “lazy” approach. no need to be an over-achiever in this family. i infinitely prefer the one to two day learning period to the weeks or months of my friends’ kids. i just don’t understand why more people don’t agree.
Melissa, it’s so funny when they seem to think you won’t be able to figure out who it is! I mean…come on kid, you have a loaded diaper! I think if I’d been doing this straight for 8 years I might feel differently. I’ve had little breaks here and there that have made it easier, for sure.
Melanie, I think it’s part of this whole idea that “kids NEED to do X” by a certain age or they’ll be “behind”. I see people complaining that their barely 2-year-old can’t seem to get the potty thing down, because somebody else they know has a potty-trained 2 YO. It’s not a race!
Well, I feel better now. I have tried to potty train my youngest (who’s almost 3 1/2 now) but he’s still mostly in pullups. He’s a very stubborn kid so I hate to push him too hard on this. I do still push him some but that’s mainly because they want him potty trained at his nursery school.
Lainie, it’ll happen! How much do they work with him at nursery school? I ask because with all my kids, the routine of preschool and/or peer pressure from other kids has been their biggest motivator.
I, too, am a proud member of the Lazy Club. My boys were both 3 1/2 when I finally got tired of changing their giant diapers. I used the same method for both of them….
Me: Good morning! Guess who stopped by last night? The HULK! He told me that you’re such a big boy and you don’t need diapers any more. Look! He even left you some COOL new underwear! You can put them on now. The bathroom is right over there if you feel the need to go potty.
Son: Really? The HULK was here?!?! That’s so COOL!
The first day, their success rate was about 25%. Second day, about 50%. You get the idea. Within a couple of days, they were nearly accident free.
I think there are pros and cons to the lazy club. The thing about potty training is that a lot of beliefs and values get taken in while they are going through it, and less overall potty training might mean a happier person overall. The young years are so important. However, even one negative look from someone important because they think that the child is too old for diapers can subconsciously have an effect on a child. Obviously, I believe that children are ultra ultra sensitive and their whole self is shaped at the earlier ages.
Talk about potty training for the lazy. The only way i did it was by using videos. The first couple of ones i bought were terrible. They were all made in the 80s or something. I found a great one though. It’s a musical. I linked it in my comment if your interested. It’s got some great songs that get stuck in your head though.