There’s been some interesting discussion around the internet about whether it’s better to let kids have some freedom or keep them safely (and often, sedentarily) indoors and within sight.
Regular readers of mine already know how I feel about the issue–but it made national headlines in April when New York Post columnist Lenore Sknazy wrote about letting her 9-year-old take the subway alone. Subsequently she started a blog promoting “free-range kids”, and the issue was covered in Newsweek by pitting “free-rangers” versus “helicopter moms”, a move that annoyed some thoughtful parents.
One comment on the Free Range blog caught my attention: Amber pointed out that there is safety in numbers, so the more we keep kids out of sight, the less safe it is for all of them (and the less accepting the public is of kids in general). Very good point. One solution would be to focus on making every neighborhood a Playborhood.
What do you think?
I happen to know Lenore Skenazy, and she’s a terrific writer and person — and quite obviously a good mother. I love that she did what she did with her son, and love that she wrote about it and took the heat she knew she’d take.
I’ve never wanted to be anything like a helicopter mom. I do get that I can’t do (here in the burbs) what my mom did (which amounted to: “go outside and don’t come back till you see your dad’s car in the driveway.”) But neither do I want to foster a feeling in my sons that NOT WITH MOM = SCARY. They should feel good about exploring their world, and not live in fear. To that end, I have not followed the rules about putting at least 9 inches of mulch under our playground set. How’s that for suburban style free-ranging?
I read that Newsweek story and was reminded then of what I’ve often thought — statistically, there just isn’t that much to worry about. Sure it can be hard to wrench yourself away from a constant watch on your kids, but that’s all parenting. We’re here to make sure our kids grow up, not become afraid of their own shadow. Mom and Dad aren’t always going to be there to protect them.
I’m reading The Year of Fog by Michelle Richmond right now, a novel about the kidnapping of a 7-year-old girl. So NOT conducive to wanting to let my 6-year-old roam the neighborhood. But I had that kind of upbringing, riding bikes all over and taking solo trips to the ice cream store a mile away by the time I was probably 9 or 10. But if I let my girl do that I’d feel totally derelict. And I hate that.
I was raised with a brother 3 years younger than me with Down Syndrome, and my mom was always hyper-vigilant with him, and raised me to be that way about him. One year, I was minding my nieces and he wandered away while we were at a beach near Indiana Dunes; scariest day of my life. So I’ll admit, I came into parenting with helicopter rotors whirling in this regard. But I am loosening up a bit; it’s a hard balance to strike, for sure.
This is a big issue for me. Trying to figure out the balance between free-ranging and “helicopter-ing” is very difficult for me. I definitely grew up in more of a free-range environment, but today’s world just seems different—more menacing. On the other hand, I also recognize how important it is for my daughter to gain the type of independence free-ranging fosters. Some of of my difficulty with totally embracing the free-range approach is that I have just one child. Maybe if I had more, I wouldn’t be so protective because I simply wouldn’t be able to. So it goes that I’m always looking for advice/ways to strike that balance…
I don’t know how much room I have to talk, as my children are quite young. I know that I do plenty that other people think is ridiculous. I had people hovering over my 3 1/2 year old during Easter, convinced she was going to choke on a jellybean. While I was handing them over to my 20 month old, and hadn’t even considered that someone would choke. I know I would be quite nervous about my 9 year old riding the subway in NYC, but I admire that woman. She swallowed her own issues and did what she believed was right for her son.
interesting points, all. When I think back to when my oldest was five or six, I really couldn’t imagine a day when I’d be able to give him freedoms like walking alone to the park or corner store. I have to admit I was judgmental of parents who did! But when they’re that age it’s really hard to see how much they’ll change in just a few short years. As my two oldest have gotten older (and I realize that I have a built-in buddy system with two big kids close in age, which not everyone has) I’ve just started to sense that they’re ready for certain things that I might never have imagined they would be. Riding the El here in Chicago alone? I can’t imagine letting my kids do that yet, but then again, I haven’t lived here long enough to be comfortable with it myself. If we’d always lived here and were used to riding public transportation all over, I might feel differently–hard to say.