Now that my older two boys are a few months past their eighth and tenth birthdays, I’m facing some new parenting territory: how independent should they be at this age, and how do I walk that delicate line between age-appropriate sheltering and smothering?

Not to go all “back in my day” on you, readers, but by the time I was 8 years old there was scarcely a spot within a mile radius of my house that I hadn’t covered, on bike, foot or both. It wasn’t unusual for kids to have that kind of freedom then … all my friends joined me as I romped around the neighborhood, to the corner store, in and out of backyards.

To allow your children that much freedom and that little direct supervision these days is practically seen as neglect. In fact, depending on how you interpret the laws, in some states it might be illegal to let your kids - even big kids of 11 or 12 - play alone at the neighborhood park or walk themselves to school. And even though I always meant to give my kids more opportunities for independence than the average kid might get, it was hard to fight back against a tide of fear-based messages that parents are inundated with today:

“You can’t turn your back even for a second!”

“The world is a dangerous place, and parents can’t be too careful!”

So I didn’t let my boys ride their bikes all the way around the block, or go to the playground alone, or navigate their own trip to the store for a candy bar. It wasn’t that I thought they were at much risk for befalling a terrible fate, but because their friends’ parents were saying “no” and it felt strange to go against the socially-acceptable grain.

I spoke to Mike Lanza, founder of Playborhood.com, a Web site dedicated to creating neighborhoods where children can - and want to - play freely. He says that while fear for their children’s safety is one of the biggest reasons that parents are wary of letting their kids roam the neighborhood, the fear may be misplaced: as he points out, the risk of a child being killed as a pedestrian or abducted or killed by a stranger combined only adds up to one-third the risk of kids being killed as passengers in a car.

And then there are the soaring rates of childhood obesity and type 2 diabetes that have coincided with kids’ increasing move away from outdoor and active play.

Could it be that driving our kids everywhere and letting them stay indoors is less safe then letting them run around outside or walk places themselves?

Numerous researchers and the American Academy of Pediatrics deem unstructured free play “essential.” And that kind of play, says Lanza, happens most naturally outdoors, in multi-age groups of children … with minimal direct organization or supervision from grown-ups.

According to Lanza, the public needs a shift in perception. “In generations past, it was a no-brainer to let your kids run around outside all day, but now, the no-brainer is keeping them in the house,” he said. “We need to get the message out there that letting children play outside is good and responsible parenting.”

The bottom line is, I want my kids to know the kids in the neighborhood, to ride their bikes to the park and play in the dirt and pick up sticks and lay under trees … without my having to organize every last second of it for them. I think it’s an important part of childhood, and it’s not something I’m willing to let my kids go without. After all, lfe is full of risks, and there’s no way to eliminate them even if we keep our kids under lock and key. But do we want our children to live their lives looking fearfully over their shoulder - or live that way ourselves? There must be some comfortable middle ground between constant hovering and neglect.

I know the urge to cushion those precious offspring in protective bubble wrap, but as it turns out, that may not be the best way to raise happy, healthy kids.

It seems scary and unfamiliar, but maybe the best thing we can do for them is loosen the reins a bit.

this post will be cross-posted at Chicago Moms Blog.