A few days ago, in my “values, meet reality” post , I shared that lately it hasn’t felt like the reality of our lives matches up with my most strongly-held values and ideals about family life. And disconnect #1 is definitely the prominence of video games, internet, television and other technology in our day-to-day lives. Before I go into my plan to stomp out some of the technical imbalance around here, I’d like to share with you my journey from how we went from a no-cable, one computer, no-game-station, one-smallish-television home to the–uh, proud (?) owners of an XBox, XBox 360, Playstation, assorted GameBoys, a biggish TV in the bedroom and an even bigger HDTV in the family room, three laptops and enough laptop parts floating around to assemble laptops for the whole family. Including the baby.
See, my husband is a lover of technology. It’s his thing. He reads up on all the latest gadgets and gear, and since he works in computers, he has access to lots of great deals on computers, software and all the fixings.
I, on the other hand, only watch TV if it’s right in front of me. If it’s not, I forget it exists. I never, ever play video games…in fact, I think I have a video game learning disability, because I can’t even get the people on the screen to run in the right direction. The only video game that remotely interests me is Rock Band, and let’s admit it–that’s just because it gives me an excuse to hold a microphone and belt out Boston tunes. I could care less about winning. I admire high-def televisions when I’m looking at them, but don’t really notice the lack of definition on older sets. I forget to charge my cell phone, so it’s non-functioning for weeks at a time. The only technology I care for at all is my own computer and Internet connection, which I tried to get rid of once, but it turns out it’s pretty hard to conduct research and write articles during a half-hour time slot at the library.
When my kids were little, I was adamant about not having video games in the house. “Those things rot your brain!” I’d protest to my husband, whose brain, I figured, must be at least three-quarters rotted. I wasn’t entirely rational or scientific in my protest against gaming–my only evidence was a gut feeling that there was something really wrong about the look that came over a kid’s (and, okay, my husband’s) face when they were deeply involved in an on-screen battle or quest.
But somehow, we’ve managed to go from there to, well, here. It crept up on me, really…first my husband wanted to get them a game machine “so we can all play together”, and he painted such a blissful picture of father-son togetherness, how could I resist? And then of course, that one was old hat, so we had to get the newer model…and so on, and so forth. And at some point I looked around my house and realized that the technology had gotten completely out of control. Which is why I now advise other parents not to give in to that first game system…it’s a lot harder to stuff the cat back in the bag than it is to just leave it in there to begin with.
So that’s where we are now. A father who lives and breathes technology, a mother who gave in, and four kids who have been increasingly falling under the spell of the screen…but no more. The computer has been unplugged; the XBox is on a shelf, the TV shows are limited. I’d post more tonight, but as it turns out, parenting your kids without the use of techie babysitters is even more exhausting than it is with them. Maybe that’s why we started relying on them more and more in the first place?
More tomorrow. Tonight, I sleep. Well, I sleep, but only after an episode of Reno 911 on Comedy Central. Hey, everything in moderation, right?
(an adapted version of this post will appear on the Chicago Moms Blog.)
I’ve been telling my kids that TV will turn their brains to green mush. My littlest LOVES to watch movies (we don’t have cable so we can’t watch any TV) but is worried about the green mush factor so he won’t watch for too too long. It’s definitely a slippery slope though. I often long to turn on a movie for them and then I think of all the other things they could be doing–reading, fighting (!!), going outside. But it’s really hard and we can only do our best. It’s good you are dealing with it, but try not to be too hard on yourself about it either. Does that make sense?
One bizarre incidental benefit of video games is that the kids are way less interested in TV. They’re only allowed so much screen time (video games are weekends only anyway) and ever since Mario Bros. entered the McLellan Bros.’ world, they don’t watch any children’s programming any more, preferring to draw Mario characters, write Mario books, and play with their Mario and Yoshi dolls.
Perhaps I’m a bit of an anomaly - an accomplished, educated woman who loves reading and writing but really adores TV. Not for hours and hours on end; that makes me edgy and definitely brings on the “green mush” Jennifer mentions. But I’m a pop culture nut and love my weird television shows and have gotten the kids hooked on some of them unapologetically–like “Good Eats” with Alton Brown, a quirky, fun, science-y cooking show; the boys love it and we love watching together.
I think for us, a key difference is that the vast majority of media time in our house is spent with intention, and often spent together, too. We watch the Simpsons as a family. We watch “My Name is Earl” with our oldest son. We play Wii Sports as a family.
I really do wish I could un-ring that bell with video games, though. I’m trying to see the bright side - like all the cool activities they engage in, or how fun and competitive we all get playing Wii Sports. But this whole machine kind of snowballed on us (thanks to my own mother!) and I’d wanted to wait till middle school.
Oh, and I wanted to add - I’m no parenting saint, either! I’ve used movies to get through telephone interviews and bonus Wii time to meet deadlines. Not by default, but often enough to give me pause. Plus, I’m in front of my own screen too much. So thanks for all of this food for thought!
Oh Toni, definitely no TV snobbery here. I love some shows, too–but I can just as easily go without, for whatever reason–probably just because I’m so distracted by other things, including silly websites. It’s been a long time since I’ve been really hooked on a show, though I did get into “Big Love” and Sopranos last year in a major way…and I used to watch Good Eats every night before bed, but lately the timing doesn’t seem to work out as well.
Forgot to add…I also wish we’d gotten the Wii, because from what I’ve seen, it’s a much more family-friendly system and allows for a lot of neat active games.
Like anything else, vid. games, tv, and all that are fine in moderation. But in our particular family, particularly as the boys have gotten older, I’ve found that sometimes setting and enforcing limits is more difficult than just pulling the plug. More on that in a later post…
And Jennifer, thanks for reminding me not to beat myself up! I’m not–I’m really not–but something has to change, and I really have to be the one who takes charge.
We’re considered crazy because our four-year-old twins don’t have their own computer. We have this strange parenting belief that they should be playing more than they should be sitting in front of the computer. When we tell other people they girls don’t spend hours playing computer games, they tell us we’re ruining them for life. Frankly, we’re okay with that. We don’t think four-year-old need a library of computer games.
oh my goodness, you are describing my home and my family! how could you possibly know all these things? seriously, i dragged my feet for 20 years of parenting about video games all the while talking down my darling husband’s logical argument. it was only this summer that i finally caved in to the wii…what can i say, i was weak and that giant flat screen tv in the family room did not help at all.
what a great piece. i’m glad i stumbled in here to find it.
[…] where did we leave off? Ah yes, my last video game post told the lovely tale of how this techno-skeptic mama wound up with a house full of screen junkies. […]
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