I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my values, hopes and wishes for my family and how they match (or don’t) up with the reality I’m helping to create for them.

A lot of that, of course, is just the normal relaxation of standards that can and probably should happen as your kids get older. After all, we aren’t living on an organic banana farm grinding our own wheat and avoiding all commercial media like I once dreamed we’d be doing, and that’s more than okay by me. A lot of the standards I created for myself when my kids were little just weren’t realistic or sustainable or even all that suited to my personality.

But it’s possible to relax your standards too much, and realize one day that the values you hold dear–the things that really matter and are important to you about how your family members eat, spend their time, interact, live, play–are worlds apart from the reality, and the biggest thing standing in the way is you.

There’s a big difference, after all, between letting your kids occasionally use the TV as a babysitter, and realizing one day that they’re averaging 2-3 hours a day of TV because it’s easier for you to let them than it is to make them turn it off and listen to the whining and “Mom, I’m bored!” complaints.

Mind you, I say “you” but I really mean “me”. Your values and my values are probably different; and our comfort level with TV, computer games, or whatever is likely different too, and that’s just fine. I truly am not judging anyone else’s lifestyle when I say that I don’t feel good when I let my own personal standards relax too much. It’s not a false feeling of guilt–after ten years of parenthood I’ve gotten pretty good at recognizing false guilt and chucking it to the curb. It’s more like a realization that something is out of whack, and that my life doesn’t much resemble what I think my priorities should be. Everybody slips up, and everybody’s life gets too chaotic or out of balance at times, and there’s no use feeling bad about it. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth taking a closer look and figuring out how to get back on track.

Maybe it’s just the February blahs talking, but I feel like I’ve reached one of those points, and it just doesn’t feel good. My kids have spent far too much time on the computer, bickering over the computer or talking about being on the computer lately. Not enough time outdoors, not enough time spent together. I’ve been inefficient with my babysitting time, meaning I’ve had to use more and more kids-at-home time for work. And maybe it’s the fact that my eldest is ten-going-on-eleven, but I’m starting to feel a sense of urgency about the time we all have left living under one roof. It seems more precious lately, and I’m more determined to make the most of it.

I think this is a thread that’s going to weave through a lot of my writing and reading in the weeks to come. I know I can’t be alone in doing this every-so-often re-adjustment of priorities. Anyone else out there want to weigh in?